How Do You Solve A Problem Like... Nerves?

AKA Julie Andrews is my Hype Woman

Oct 10, 2023

Years ago, I remember watching a video of Barack Obama listening to Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” as a way to hype himself up before getting onstage.

I, too, have a ritual of listening to a pump up jam to calm my nerves, but for me, that jam is a (perhaps) lesser known tune from the iconic 1965 musical, Sound of Music.

“I Have Confidence”

Some context for those of you who are not as familiar…

The musical number begins with our main character Maria, played by the incomparable Julie Andrews, leaving her home at the convent to embark on an exciting new adventure as governess for the Von Trapp family of seven children. (I know—it seems niche, right? But stay with me…)

The only problem is, she has no idea what she’s doing or what she’s in for. And that, to me, was relatable.

I don’t know when I made this a thing—listening to “I Have Confidence” to calm my nerves right before I had to face anything anything scary or new. But it became a ritual for me.

Whenever I started to feel the nerves coming on, I’d sit somewhere on my own, pop in my earphones, and turn on this song.

*** Of course, I had to change some of the lyrics to match the scenario I was facing, but for the most part, the song always kind of worked for me.

Before I started my first day of teaching middle school English in South Korea. Before my interview for the internship at Writers House and my first job at HarperCollins Children’s Books. Before I recorded every podcast or public radio segment. Before I appeared on every panel. Before my very first Frazzled school visit.

Back then, I don’t know if I fully believed the lyrics of this song, but it helped to think of them and at least TRY to make them true.

I realized recently that I don’t do this as often as I used to. Maybe that’s a sign that it’s working—that this song and the feeling of confidence it brings out in me is actually just becoming part of who I am as an author-illustrator and as a person. Maybe.

Still, it’s a comforting ritual to be able to come back to when I DO need it.

Fast Forward to CALIBA Fall Fest 2023

This past week, I was invited to be part of a panel at the Scholastic Luncheon at CALIBA (California Independent Booksellers Alliance) Fall Fest, which put me on stage in front of a whole room full of booksellers.

I’ve been a published author-illustrator since 2016, so it’s not like I haven’t been on panels or spoken to large groups of people before, but this was the first time I was talking about my NEW book, Meet Me on Mercer Street… the first time I was talking about this book (or any book, really) in-person, in public since before the pandemic!

And suddenly, I started to feel those all too familiar nerves.

What if I said something wrong? What if I forgot my words? What if I couldn’t explain this book well enough or do this book justice? What if everyone hated it and, by extension, me? What if I choked?

So I turned to Julie Andrews and my trusty ritual. I sat outside the building and turned on that song.

Me before my event at CALIBA Fall Fest 2023. Guess what song was playing?

Listening to it again reminded me of all the other times I’ve had to do something I didn’t feel ready for. But you know what?

Most of the good things that have happened in my life have been things that I never felt ready for.

So now I think I am learning to make peace with my nerves. Now I can look back at how I felt in those past moments and then look again at the amazing experiences that were waiting for me on the other side of those fears.

Now when I listen to these lyrics, I think I’m actually starting to believe them.

Some Relevant Links:

Publisher’s Weekly Recap of CALIBA:
From the Scholastic Luncheon (L-R) — Joanna Ho, Ali Terese, ME(!!!), Brein Lopez (our moderator), Roz Hilden (our amazing Scholastic Sales Rep retiring this year), Mason Deaver